I need to cry so badly but I cant. I cant because it's such a weak thing and I told myself not to be weak because every single time Im weak I binge. So I havent cried since last month. Okay. So I want to cry but I wont. Next. 

I really want to be intelligent. Like......ugh. I'm not saying Im not. My brother is studying to be an engineer, my father is a CEO of a company blah blah the point is I know I can be what I want....but I'm so depressed and I'm on so many drugs......but there are times when I'm just sitting around thinking...and I want sooo badly to be normal The feeling is so deep. I feel like my body is really really deep and the feeling runs all throughout. .And it's so simple. I want to be great. 

And to be great I think I have to be skinny. Because when I'm skinny I'll be a little closer to being a little more perfect. 

 Have any of you drank vinegar???? I hear its good for the metabolism but I want more details. 


please please if you have or if youve heard anyhting...tell me : ] 

Like...how much each day..what times do you take it...how much its helped. 
thanks so much huns 

xx
*hugs* 

Have any of you drank vinegar???? I hear its good for the metabolism but I want more details. 


please please if you have or if youve heard anyhting...tell me : ] 

Like...how much each day..what times do you take it...how much its helped. 
thanks so much huns 

xx
*hugs* 

 Hey girls....

I was on a fast today but I wasn't allowed to. 
I hate how parents have so much control. HATE IT!!!!!!!!

:'{

But I did restrict major amounts. I think I had about 200 cals today. 
stay strong lovelies xx *hugs*

 I binged today : [
It started at lunch when I "had" to have just one chocolate bar. then it escalated and you dont know how I feel. 
Im a royal let down. 
I let myself down mostly. 
Im really scared that Im going to keep binging......what if I gain back everything I lost? 

I'm so scared that my will power has fallen...... : [



Can someone help me......I dont even feel like continuing. I cant control my intake and nothing else works and ugh. I just want to hurt really badly. Physically cause I'm already hurting enough inside. 

 okay I'm feeling awful. 


height: 5 ft. 7 in.
cw: 160
hw: 180
lw: 140
gw1: 140
gw2: 120

I'm sorry you guys....I'm such a failure.

 does no one comment anymore.....................................?

I'm feeling awful cause Im not losing as much weight as I want to but Im restricting and restricting . uugghh

Does anyone know what pot does to the metabolism??? 


Didnt eat much yesterday. Just a little supper. Maybe a LITTLE more than what I should have had. But I still haven't lost any more weight...
maybe I've plateaued(sp)????   Its so hard...... 

Yesterday was my first day at swimming. I feel so energized afterwards...and it burns so many calories. 
But I did have candy at lunch ::: [   Thats why I fasted for the rest of the day and did an hour and a half of swimming.....

I still don't think I burned it all off.   I hate scales...but I can't live without them. 

It's the weekend girls......anyone have a plan on how we're going to stay on track during the weekend??\xx tt stay strong 

 okay I want to cry. 
Not because of binging...I havent binged since last weekend. 
But because I'm letting myself be weak. I let this guy upset me...I'm such a weak loser. 

uuuuuuuuuuggggggggghhhhhhhhhhhh
now I dont want to cry...I'm so mad at myself. 

I wish I could be in someone else's body. Someone skinnier that has no problems. 
But I make my problems myself...I'm such a loser. 

 !! ana song!!

"crawling" by linkin park

 Thinking of thin wrists. 
Thin wrists. 
Bones showing. 

I dreamt of eating last night. Is that normal??? 

Doing okay today. Didnt eat anything until dinner (besides 0 cal tangerine) and then had a smalll suppper....mostly salad and veges. I shouldn't have had the half bun though...........


Hope you girls are doing well. 
p.s. down 4 pounds.

Is it weird that I don't want to socialise and/or live with my family just for the opportunity to not eat???

I mean.....I seriously want to live alone. My family is okay...and it's not them...it's just what they do to me. I wish I didnt have to eat. 

Is it weird that I like the feel of dizziness?? And that the thing I think about the most is food even though I hate it???
There must be some themes occurring here......

*think skinny wrists*
*think of hip bones sticking out* 
*think of defined collar bones* 
*concentrate hate and dont eat*

xx 

My head has been spinning all day today. 
And I'm sooo tired. Do you girls get tired alot???? 

I had no breakfast, no lunch, and a little supper. Small yet I still feel fat : [ 


xx *hugs?* 

 Im really afraid of messing up my teeth with purging. 
Does anyone know any tricks to make sure my teeth dont go yellow???? I have braces by the way..... I dont want like marks when I get them off : [ 




Does anyone know how fattening corn is???????? 

*aspiring to have skinny wrists*

Okay today was good. 
Didnt have much at all. Mostly fruit...and supper was a little rice with mostly corn. 

I still think I could have eatten less though...so I just finished throwing up what I could. 

I'm feeling better but still dont like food. Its so weird to think that the thing I fear most is food.......

I hope you girls are doing well and keeping your heads up xx 

I want my hands and wrists to be sooo bony
I want to lose ten pounds by next sunday. That's my goal 

xxxx

 When I live on my own...
Im going to buy seven oranges...one for supper every night. 
Then seven grapefruit..one for breakfast every night. 
And Ill buy a pack of yogurt. For craving crunchers. 

xxx